At this point, you should have at least a basic understanding of your autistic child.  Do you know your child inside and out?  Probably not.  Do you really want to?  I doubt it, particularly if your child is a teen or pre-teen.  After all, I haven’t met an adult yet who wants to be a teenager again and an autistic teenager, with all the new awareness coming on, will have a jumbled mix of feelings to deal with.

The method I am going to teach you is called trans-derivational searching, and this can be used with your child to really get to the root of the negative behaviour.  After all, by now your child should feel a level of trust with you and you should have the lines of positive communication open.  That means that now it’s time to get to the heart of the matter – helping your child cope in life and maintain acceptable behaviour.

Trans-derivational searching is a way for you to help your child to find out where a certain belief or behavior is coming from, and then to change that belief or behaviour.  To use this technique you need to develop a series of questions, based on the belief or behaviour.

Each question will be an opportunity for your child to dig deeper into his mind and eventually find out why he thinks that way.  Here is an example:

Children with autism often hit others.  While this may be looked upon as a violent act, when it comes to the autistic child, this is generally not the case.  If your child is hitting, it may be for any number of reasons.  Often, when a child is exhibiting violent behavior toward classmates, they are removed from the classroom.  This in and of itself may actually make the problem worse, if the root cause of the behaviour is not understood.  Let’s see how this can be.

You can use trans-derivational searching to find out why your autistic child is hitting, provided she has the verbal skills to understand some simple questions and respond to them.  Maybe your child is hitting one specific child in her class, or it is random who is on the receiving end of her violent behaviour.  Here is how your questions might go:

Why are you hitting your classmates?

She might answer that that it is because the teacher takes her out of the classroom when she does.

You begin a series of questions:

Do you want to be taken out of the classroom?

Yes.

Why do you want to be taken out of the classroom?

Because I don’t like where I sit.

Are you uncomfortable there?

Have you ever felt comfortable in that classroom?

Would you feel comfortable if you were in a different part of the room?

Imagine the classroom if you were in a different place in the room.

Through this line of questioning, you realize that her desire to get out of the classroom is what is causing her behavior.  She does not know how to express her unhappiness of where she sits in the room, so she behaves in a way that she can be taken out of the room.  As you talk about it, you can help her understand that her behavior toward her fellow students is unacceptable, and that she can simply approach the teacher and ask to be moved.  Together and with the teacher, you find a way to make her more comfortable in the classroom and the violent behavior stops.

These questions are designed to get your child thinking about what it would be like if the “reason” for the behavior wasn’t there, or to get her thinking about a different way of behaving that will express the same feelings and thoughts.  This allows your child to see that she has friends, and that her friends do touch her in a gentle way.

Do you like this ? Please comment.

Stay tuned for more tips.

PS: Latest product launch on The Secrets of Parenting Aspergers Autistic Kids is out – go to Motivateschoolkids.com

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Have a wonderful week.

Example: Negative behavior: your child has been smoking.

You sit down to speak with him and use transderivational searching to determine why this behavior is happening.

You ask, “Why did you smoke the first time?”

He says, “Because someone offered it to me.”

You keep asking questions such as the following:

• Why did you say yes?
  • Because everyone likes him, he’s cool.
• Would he be your friend if you said no?
  • I don’t know.
• Think back to before you tried to smoke.  Did you have friends then?
  • Yes.

You can continue to ask questions.

• Do your old friends like you?
• Would they like you, even if you said no to something they offered?
• Imagine you were never offered a cigarette.  What would your life be like?
• How do you feel when you smoke?
• Do you like smoking?
• How can you rid your life of smoking?

These questions are designed to get your child thinking about what it would be like if the “reason” for the behavior wasn’t there.  This allows your child to see that they have friends, and have made friends in the past without having to resort to doing something that is physically harmful to them.

They can imagine having friends without smoking, and can see a way to get rid of smoking.  In the end, you can discuss strategies with your child and help them form a plan for success.

If you like my post, I am very sure that you will love my ebook on the Secrets of Success For Teens on www.MotivateSchoolKids.com.

Please note that if you want to post my article on your website, it has to be fully intact with my author name , Rachael Mah and website url www.MotivateSchoolKids.com on my article .

Poor Strategy = Poor Behavior
Good Strategy = Good Behavior

So if you can help your autistic child change her strategy, then she can change negative behavior into positive behavior. In order to do this you have to go back to the primary sense system ( visual , auditory or kinesthetic), and your knowledge of the sense systems in general.

Well, it is these primary sense systems that are used to create a strategy. All the primary sense systems factor in, and when it comes to behavior, you will see that the strategy involved usually uses a combination of the primary sense systems.

Let’s use the example of violent behavior toward classmates. You know she is behaving in this manner so that she can be removed from the classroom, and through a discussion you determine her strategy is as follows:

• She feels closed in when she thinks of where she sits in class (K).
• She hears the muffled sound of her teacher’s voice from the front of the room (A).
• She feels the frustration building in her (K).
• She can see herself being taken out of the room (V).

There is a sequence of sense systems in this strategy that go like this: K – A – K – V. This is what goes through her mind every time she walks into her classroom. What you need to do is help her change that strategy. The key in doing this is to make sure that the first sense system used is the primary sense system of your child, and then build from there. The new strategy could be something like this if she has visual as her primary sense system:

• Get her to visualize herself enjoying where she sits in class (V).
• Ask her to imagine hearing the birds chirping outside the window beside her (A).
• Have her feel the warmth from the classmates that sit near her (K).
• Have her see the classroom as a whole intimate setting, of which she is a part (V).

You have now changed her strategy to V – A – K – V. In effect, you have helped her adjust her filter, her perception about where she sits in the classroom. Her filter had been set to allow negative thoughts and feelings about her location in the room to dominate, and this was causing her negative behavior. Once you adjusted the filter to block the negative thoughts and emotions and let in the positive ones, she was able to see it in a new way and change her behavior.

Your child can use this tool to deal with any negative behavior, whether it is something related to school or the playground or getting a job. Once this tool is in her tool box, your child will have a lot more control over her negative behavior and her emotions.

I trust that this tool box strategy will greatly help you to coach your aspergers autistic child, just as well as with all other children, teens and even adult kids.

Have a wonderful week.

Warmly,
Rachael Mah- MotivateSchoolKids.com

As so many of you have followed my regilar blogs and various product launch with fantastic positive feedback and love of my expertise, I am now making special time to run live 1 day special seminars in various Melbourne locations, Australia.

For those of you outside Australia, if you want me to help you with my Secrets of Parenting and Teaching Tool Box Programs, please book me by emailing info@MotivateSchoolKids.com right now.

Speak soon,

Have a wonderful week.

Rachael Mah
Founder and Executive Director- MotivateSchoolKids.com

The Life Skills Tool Box is designed for every member of your family.

Learn with other parents and carer givers at this special one day Seminar on how to develop a positive and happy child who can achieve his/her full potential.

There are two ways to develop rapport with an autistic child and again, these will work best with a mildly autistic child.

Mirroring

Yes, mirroring is exactly as it sounds.  You are going to mirror your child.  Does that mean you are going to act just like him?  No, but it does mean that you are going to mimic him.  How?  Well first you have to observe your child.  You need to observe his:

Facial expressions

• Tone of voice
• Rate of speech
• Posture
• Movements

You goal is not to match these exactly, but to approximate them.  If he sounds enthusiastic, you can too.  If he tugs at his ear, you can play with your finger or rub your chin.  If he taps his foot, you can tap you pen or your spoon to the same beat.

Why is this so effective? It is because the subconscious mind likes it so much.  Yep!  The subconscious is actually flattered by all this wonderful attention.  Your child won’t notice what you are doing on a conscious level, but deep down their subconscious is warming up to you and letting you in.  This is far more effective than any conscious attempt at relating to your child, or at least it will allow your child to warm up to you enough that you can relate to him and he can relate to you.

Establishing rapport with a child by using mirroring is really very easy.  You need to do two simple things that tell him that you are working with him on his level.  These things are:

1. Physically get down on the same level as your child, if they are smaller than you.  If the child is older and bigger, sitting down at the table together might work best.  This will bring you eye-to-eye with your child.

2. When you speak with your child, mimic his tone, facial expression, movements, and the rate of his speech.

This will allow you to get close enough to your child that you can actually get a glimpse of the world through his filter.  By seeing his perspective, his perception of the world, even for a moment, it will be a lot easier to see why he is behaving the way he is behaving.  When you can do that, you will be able to show him that you care, that you understand, and that you aren’t angry or judging him for it.  When he knows this, he will be far more open to letting you help him find a way to change that behavior.

Mirroring is a skill that you need to hone and practice.

The great thing is that you can practice it anywhere and at any time.  You can practice it when you watch talk shows, when you are in line at the bank, and even when you eat out at a restaurant.  There are people everywhere and as long as you can see them, you can mirror them.

Do you like this tool box strategy?

Please provide your comment and how I can help you through my workshop or private coaching.

Email Rachael@MotivateSchoolKids.com.

Stay tuned for the next tip on building rapport with your autistic child!

Thank you so much for all of  your compliments, comments and how you have really benefited from my blog tips.

I am so inspired by your compliments and comments that for the first time, I am using my Blog to announce that  I  am extending my passion  from writing highly valuable blog posts to running group and private coaching sessions too!

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I can help you and your friends by providing:

• One-to-one coaching. This can be done in person, by telephone or skype call so it does not matter where you live.

• Parenting Workshops (Live or Teleconference/Webinar). Contact Rachael to set up a workshop for you, your school of parents and your friends. Workshops will include interactive role play, exercises and discussions.

• Speaking engagements- by appointment.

My unique “Life Skills Tool Box For Parents” system will help every child feel they have a place in this world.  It will raise their self esteem and give them the discipline to understand the consequences of the choices they make!  Parents are experiencing major breakthroughs in their relationships with their children as well.  Because their child is more in control of his or her behavior and emotions, the communication between child and parent becomes open and honest.  This open and honest communication can keep your child from indulging in behavior and habits that can have a life time negative impact on them.

My Life Skills Tool Box For Parents” e-courses and coaching programs focuses on improving the parenting relationship between the parent and their children by helping the parents to master his/her “Life Skills Tool Box For Parents” in order to coach their kids, teens, graduates and even adult kids! This is all about relationships no matter the age.

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Today’s topic is short and sweet ie how can you learn to communicate more effectively with an autistic child.

Do you understand your child’s representational system i.e. his/her primary sense system?

The three senses that dictate how we take in information and how we output information are visual (V), auditory (A), and feeling or kinesthetic (K).

Hint:

Young children are generally primarily kinesthetic and will begin to grow into their permanent sense system as they reach school age.

Once you know which of these your child uses primarily, you will be able to communicate with them on a new level.

Identify the primary sense system that your child uses by asking questions about something of his//her interest and assess his/her response.

1. If your child replies to your question by saying ,” I feel that xxxx”. He is a kinesthestic learner and communicator.

2. If your child replies to you by saying,” I hear xxxx”- he learns and communicates better in auditory mode.

3. If your child replies to you by saying ,” I can see many xxxx”- he is a visual person.

You will be able to talk to them in a way that uses predicates that are in line with that sense system.

Have fun. Try this strategy out with your autistic (aspergers) child!

If you love what I have shared with you, can you imagine how I can help you by publishing my new manual on the Secrets of Parenting Aspergers Autistic kids?  Stay tuned!

I would appreciate your comments and insights.

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